Monday was a bank holiday which he spent with his daddy, so the first day I had him back, on Tuesday, I decided to get all the "school jobs" done all in one day. I expected it to be hard work, because Daniel has a fear of the barber's, and didn't co-operate brilliantly last year when having his feet measured for school shoes. Apart from a bit of a half-cry, half-scream when his turn came to sit on the barber's chair and have his hair shaved after watching two other little boys, he was great! He got a lollipop - one of his current loves - for his bravery from the wonderful barber (who will repeat as many times as he needs to hear that it's nearly done and she won't use the small trimming razor on him, which is louder - she has been a real gem of a find) and then, emboldened, marched straight on to the measuring machine in the shoe shop, and very quickly found his shoes and P.E. pumps of choice. He was so good I ventured into buying birthday cards for my mum and partner and took Dan into a clothes shop to try new jeans on. He continued to be so lovely that, with a rush of pride and love, I stopped on the way home to let him play in the park for half an hour.
But did I pay for it on Wednesday!!
I had promised to take him out for a "last big day out" and he said he wanted to return to Rhyl, where we had had a lovely day out earlier in the holiday. So we set off for an adventure at Rhuddlan Castle, which we had spotted from the road before but not actually visited, followed by an afternoon at the seaside and fairground. Talk about hard work!
All his autistic behaviours came out in force, and there was me, alone with him! His complete disregard for danger emerged as soon as we arrived at the castle and with a fierce drop into the old moat, crumbling stones and narrow spiral staircases, my heart was in my mouth much of the time and I had to negotiate carrying my bag - and later, our picnic - while constantly grabbing his arm, clutching his hand in a vice-like grip or shouting "Daniel! Stop!" at the top of my voice. Which he doesn't really respond to. However, I was proud of him for consenting to climb up each of the towers; when we went to Conwy Castle earlier in the summer, he refused, and any time he overrides one of his anxieties or fears you can't help but feel he's achieved something.
On to the beach, he was running over to babies trying to touch/cuddle/interfere with them while I was mortified apologising to the parents (who of course were laughing and not at all bothered, it was my complex, not theirs). And on the seafront, when we were supposed to be on the fair, following the momentous discovery of a "Children's Toilet" with a Winnie the Pooh painted on the door and Winnie character pictures on the wall inside, he turned it into a hunt for all the seaside toilets! Toilets are a very unhealthy obsession of Daniel's - I don't mind at all him having obsessions, but couldn't he pick something nicer?! When I asked him on the way home what was the best part of the day he even said "finding the Winnie toilet and the round toilet at the seaside". Not the picnic, the tea out at the Little Chef, exploring the castle or playing on the sand. The wonderful toilets he had found. Part of his obsession is morbid fascination, too. He makes such a fuss when people are using hand-driers: he hates the noise. Hence why I couldn't get him to take his hands off his ears while I was trying to take a photo of Winnie for him!
His fears came back into play on the fair, when he wanted to ride the Helter Skelter but came down after getting halfway up the stairs saying it was too high for him, then wanted to ride the inflatable slide but came down after very nearly reaching the top saying the same. My anxiety levels by then, having tried to shout to him to encourage him to get to the top, and then shouting to him to come back to me after he plonked himself on the ramp in the way of other climbing children and being ignored, had skyrocketed, and the assistant manning the inflatable slide rather unhelpfully was shouting at Daniel for him to come off then pulling faces and exasperated hand gestures at me when he wouldn't, which really hurt my feelings. Surely he realised Daniel had a learning difficulty from the behaviour he was exhibiting? Even when I said "I'm sorry, he's not being naughty, he's autistic, if you take his hand, he'll come with you back to me" he looked blankly at me as if I was making an excuse. Some people are so ignorant. I think so much more needs to be done in terms of raising awareness about ASD conditions, to spare the pain for the families and friends who adore children suffering from the symptoms.
Even at the Little Chef where we stopped for tea, he was more interested in visiting the toilet umpteen times than eating his food; however the persevering Little Chef staff were far more tolerant and polite. In fact, most people are - the lady at Rhuddlan Castle had taken his toilet obsession in her stride and learned his name so she could get his attention and speak to him. God bless those people. Sometimes without those people to light up my day, I swear I would lose my sanity. I have always been a person who does care what other people think of me, no matter how wrong it is, and the hardest aspect of Daniel's ASD for me to deal with is the worry that people think I can't discipline my child, or that I'm dragging him up, when actually we have to work ten times harder than most families just to get him to a basic standard of behaviour and manners, because he takes a long time to learn anything new and sometimes, it's like there's a fog that he just can't see through, no matter what.
We're not sure whether his behaviour yesterday was through tiredness, sickening for something, or general back-to-school blues. It's often so hard to pin-point a trigger. Only time reveals the patterns.
Chasing down Rhyl promenade trying to juggle my bags and shouting "Daniel! Stop! Danger!" may not be on my top ten list of ways I want to spend a day out, but I know he appreciates my efforts and pays me back a hundred fold in love and cuddles.
Perhaps I should invest in a seriously decent pair of running shoes...
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